Home > Books, Fun, Movies, Review, Writing > Forcing myself to watch Twilight, part 2

Forcing myself to watch Twilight, part 2

This is late, but god damn it if I’m not putting it on my blog. Click here for the first entry in this blog series. I actually watched this movie back during the Christmas break and I tweeted my way through it. Here are those tweets. Hint: I didn’t like this one either.

Alright, starting up Twilight: New Moon for the first time. Let’s see how bad it is…

Wow, that was sure a gentle “shove” across the fucking room that Edward gave Bella. Matrix time and all.

Edward has actually been passable so far and I like how he just laughs at Bella’s fear of aging at age 18.

That’s her entire motivation. She wants to stay young because she thinks that Edward won’t love her otherwise. She has no other worthwhile..

..features about herself, at least in her own opinion. How fucking shallow can a writer be? A female writer at that! #antifeminism #twilight

The whole crux of this series is the shallowness, the entire lack of motivation behind any “love”/whatever. How can women over 15 like this?

Fuck yes, now Edward told her off for her own good. If the movies ended here, that would be fucking awesome! #twilight #newmoon

Is this when she goes into that debilitating depression and doesn’t want to live anymore? :)

Hold on just one second. No one questions that guy carrying the unconscious Bella while he’s NAKED? Just “Thanks, Sam!” and on they go…

Paused the movie for a while. Just unpaused and she’s screaming like she’s dying in bed because Eddie’s gone. Sad soundtrack. Tacky 5000

What. The. Fuck. Edward’s transparent, floating head is talking to her now? PLEASE give more lines to Anna Kendrick!

I get it! She’s going to keep doing reckless stuff just to force astral body Eddie to appear and talk her out of it! Yeah, that’s rational.

I need to watch more movies with Anna Kendrick. She’s one of the few decent things about these piece of trash, so-called “movies”.

Bella looks like she’s enjoying life when she’s with Jacob. She actually smiles and has a warmth about her. Why does she play him like that?

This movie goes from trying to be drop dead serious (but failing, being hilarious instead) to trying to be silly/funny (but uncomfortable)

GAWD! More incessant screaming in bed. They must have laughed their asses off shooting those scenes. No one can take them seriously.

By the way, is it really constant thick cloudiness in Seattle? Enough to mask the sunlight so vampires can be out and about?

That wasn’t a serious question. OF COURSE THE SUNLIGHT WOULD GET THROUGH AND BURN THE VAMPIRES TO A CRISP!

SHE VAULTED OFF AND OVER THE BIKE! FUCKING AWESOME! MORE! INJURE HER!

You know what? Taylor Lautner isn’t half atrocious. His presence makes his scenes watchable.

That guy who wants to take her to the movies looks like the main guy from the movie Road Trip, but younger.

Wow, they’re beyond silly territory with those fake action movie sounds.

Paused again, watching now. Heart-2-heart between Bella and Jake and it’s the first time in this movie series that I see believable emotions

aaaand right after that Jake goes aggro for no good reason. (slow clap) Fantastic movie-making, folks! Or is the book like that too?

I like Jake’s dad :)

Jake is shirtless and god damn he has a long neck!

That convo about him changing and then walking over to a bunch of shirtless guys could easily have been knee-slap funny about him being gay.

Rasta vampire is back! Evil again, it seems. I wonder if he will help Bella and the Cullens again without any motivation for doing so.

Enter the cartoony werewolves

Unpaused the movie again. “It’s not a lifestyle choice, Bella. I was born this way, I can’t help it.” Yep, that’s the gay talk again.

Now that I think about it, that’s actually pretty surprising writing coming from a Mormon homemaker wife “writer”.

Meh, the movie is just blah now. It’s decent as long as Taylor Lautner is in the scene to kind of counter Kristen Stewart’s stilted “acting”

Misadjusted perpetual teenagers… sigh

For fuck’s sake… the second Bella becomes all gaga over Edward again she becomes unbearable and it only gets worse when they meet again

What a piece of trash movie that was. Started bad, got worse, then passable, then they throw that away to make it all end “meh”. Pathetic.

  1. 4 May, 2012 at 04:21

    I applaud your being able to sit through this “movie.”

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